[hold on kay]

You're not alone
together
we stand
I'll be by your side
you know
I'll take your hand
when It gets cold
and it feels like the end
there's no place to go
you know I won't give in
No, I won't give in
Keep Holding On
'cause you know
I make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
'cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
there's nothing you can say
nothing you can do
there's no other way
when it comes to the truth
So, Keep Holding On
Cause you know I make it through
We'll make it through
So far away
I wish you were here
before It's too late
this could all disapear
before the doors close
and It comes to an end
with you by my sideI will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
-----------------

thx.for just being there.

[walking away]

i seriously dunt noe when is this emotional-rollercoaster phase is going to fade.

sometimes we look for happiness in all the wrong places.

and sometimes, to be perfect (which we can never be), we forget all the humanities values.
to appreciate, to thank and even to love. this nearly-end of the year time gave me the opportunity to think alot. coz seriously, i so cant remember what my 2006 aims are. so teruk kan?

well this coming tahun melawat malaysia year, i will make some aims, and i really do hope i can fulfill them. i dunt wanna lose another year just like that. and this 2007 is really important to me as i really had grown up inside,which so many people failed to see. i do hope i can start to make an impact to the world, as an adult.

what i really think is that, people(including me) often forget that we are all different. we cant really expect other people to understand us (yet i do) or even we cant expect people to act the way we think they should. aite? i do hope i can remember these throughout the year. haha.

i'm gonna walk away from my badhabits, and also walk away from negative stuff. no drugs k babe? haha. totally joking. and i'm walking away from the cheesy guy.

i really miss my fwens. seriously. and i miss someone. hope everything's fine.

[trip!]

for some months before this, i'm having this emotional-spiritual-self conflict. it's just because i have no way to channel
my frustrations all. i know,i know, y i dont amek wudhu' and read the al-Quran. sometimes kite ni just huuh..xtahu laa nak
kate ape kan..

anyway what all this gotta do with my trip to kuantan?

i dont know why, but my spirits are totally lift up upon seeing my friends. and i was jealous (in a good way) of their studying environment.
it's just so....BEST aaaah! anyway my trip there somehow membuatkan dis person found what she lost 2 months ago.

self-confidence.

i dont know either my friends knew it or not, but they indirectly gave me self-confidence, yeah they do.
i dont get these kind of friends anywhere in the world. i dont want to trade anything for them. they are totally awesome!

details : because of some assumption-mistake (pika,its my fault really,not yours) shera wasn't aware we are coming. and she went
back. so spactees are down to 6, as abboy cudn't make it (she went to perlis with her family). and too bad wani had an exam coming up
so she cant really be bugged. haha.. there's so many updates in the spactees!! gossips!! owhkay, next topic!
gosh i really miss them all!!!
i cant believe i'm near to crying ( i'm still able to hold back my cry-baby tears ) when dinie hugged me once. waaaaah.
touching!
seeing them all just make me feel like a patient seeing a good doctor, i felt like half of my problems are solved.
friends.........i love you guys very much!

anyway i would like to take the opportunity(chewah!) to thank this particular friend, someone who was there hearing my tantrums, coincidencely.
thanks for your advices..and i think i'm gonna change my mind. i'm gonna do like what you've told the other day.
thinking back, it's true what you said. the other day i was answering to your analogy-question rather in 'degil'-state.
rebellious state. life's full of test and it has a way turning the bad,sticky situation into one whole good things. it's up to you
to see the positive side of each incidence. ryte? thanxx so much 4 d advices and enjoy studying!!!!

credits : khairul izwan hashim for driving us safely there and back! thanx a lot. macho aa keQ! Lupe aa nk kate aritu..but thanks..loads!!!

"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."

[ho ho ho]

uhh..i'm not celebrating christmas. but teruknye jennyto nie..die ade fav. christmas song..from the movie 'love actually',which originally mariah carey is the one who sang/sung/sing (grammar hancur) it.

but i'm not writing about that song today. right now here in Malaysia, the state of johor kene banjir teruk. until electric sume cut off coz more than 300 pencawang rosak. families are being transferred to safe places (which means no comfy2 things). and the sukarelawan all work up to help those affected.
mende2 camnie bwat kite fikir siape diri kita kan. asek2 self-absorbed dgn problem sendiri yang tak seberapa, yang nak hangin kat orang tak tentu pasal. padahal orang lain ade masalah yang lebih besar, dan memerlukan pertolongan kite.
sanggup ke berkorban untuk orang lain? masalah kan? kalo anda seorang yang sangat mementingkan diri sendiri. tapi untuk yang tersayang, no hal je kan?
kenapa kita tak menyayangi je semua makhluk Allah di bumi ini?

hurm...this is deep. not the usually jennyto stuff. tapi tulaa diri ini kadang2 perlu diperingatkan. as humans, insan, we are bound to forget the important stuff.
self-absorbed in the world around you. too-wrapped up.

belum kire aftermath of the flood incident. how many losses (life and properties) will be there? all in all, kita kena ingat, setiap yang berlaku ade hikmahnye.

emm..neway i will be going to kuantan besok,insyaAllah. hope to see those i missed badly. seriously i miss you guys like crazy.

and i cant believe i'm saying this, but i cant wait to see CDB 2moro..haha..ingat aku da muak tgk ko..rindu jugak aku kt ko..

to kak anje(if you ever get to read this) selamat bercuti di cherating atau pantai satu lagi tu (tak ingt pe name die).
to spactees n fwens @ iium qtan : boom baby!! heh.

till then. merry christmas..all i want for christmas is you...and you..and you. haha.

[urm?]

okay yesterday i told myself;
"you better cheer urself up,or not u r going to drive urself (and other ppl around u) mad"

so i tried to be thankful.

yes.

there are so many things that i need to be thankful for.
so lets not sulk away with ur problems that no one wants to hear.

i'm thankful that i am here in malaysia.
the lesser-polluted airs.
thankful that when i woke up in the morning, i have a three-stripes toothpaste that has multi function purpose other than cleansing ur teeth.
thankful that i got to eat daging kicap berempah for lunch.
thankful that i got to eat fish and chip for dinner.
thankful that my picture (1st ever attempt) got publish in a kewl site.
sile klik here to view.
anyway thankful achik dpt pegi kuantan.
eventho i x confem yet.

syukur..syukur..kan.

bwat pe emo2..haha.

but i still x ske org menyebok pasal aku. please.
(uish kasar lak rasenye)

neway pray hard..i so wanna go meet the spactees.

[enuff is enuff]

the best thing about being a woman is that you can blame it all on pms.

which i'm gona do. if i want to cover all this up.

not.

i'm not going to do that. instead i know this is the time of the life that i felt deep deep down inside of me, that i have to admit, i have no real friends.

sheesh. maybe i'm choosy. way way choosy. till now no one can actually spend time to hear my probs.

and i cant be this way. coz it affects my behavior and makin teruk. i became a stranger to myself. why had i successfully supress all my sadness before but now they all come out as a big blur? why i cant be the person that i am before, nonchalant,taking it easy and happy? why?

Have I changed?

[3rd day of hols]

today.
more thinking.

more puzzling.

peeps,i'm so not having pms.

anyway.

dis weekend my fwens are planning to go to qtan. to visit : friends.

neway..my mood are somewhat better than yesterday, but i still owe many people apologies..

sorry all those people yang sy kerek to. sorry sesgt..

[i soo have to be punished]

abboy dearie.

i'm totally sorry i forgot ur birthday.

teruknye kan jenn nie.

here's what i'm doing ryt now.

writing an entry for u.

just for u.

while listening to blink 182 songs.

terharu tak?

terharu laa....

hee..abboy d cuteness of u and ur personality.

i love u to the max dottie!

i so have to be killed as of forgetting to wish you last nite.

padahal tido kul 3.

or kul 2.

ah whatevs.

nnti laa..ill try to kikis my ayah to belanje u makan.

or not. tunggu 5 years bile i da jd doc n i will treat u.

haha.

u remember? the 1st time we met?

the english class. haha everything start at that class.

amer faridz( d class rep! ) izzudin ( putih melepuk2 ) half of spact8 ( love u guys )

n d other person as well. (u noe what it means dont anybody else think laen cz its not wut u think). u n mardhiah are crazy bout comix. achik and her cartoons. me just plain elegance. haha. so not true.

neway abboy i love u so much (i so dont sound like a les dont i ) and hoped to c u soon. yes. i hope i will. keQ is planning and i will gave anything to go. cept i dont have anything. heh.

but anyway youngest spactee...

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY!!!

spactees..now we all are no longer teenagers. so please act maturely according to ur age.

*giggles* which i noe some of us so cannot do!!

[yet i'm depressed]

you know.

this morning i just arrived @ malaysia. so relieved to leave the o.c.



anyway.i felt so down now.

why.

why.

why.



oh gravity why cant we seem to pull it together?



to mr. sum1 that i usually turn to whenever i lost hope. no wonder u gave all the excuses.

yet i still think of you. i should have let things they were. a history.



the dark side of me. i usually don't show it to people. even many people tot i'm this happy-happy-no worries kinda person.



but there's always you. you who always been there. as a close friend. someone that i had a huge crush on. crush its not the way to describe it. i love being with you. but i kinda lose my hope eventually on you. ntahla. sometimes i do think you are the one. tp i dont know la.



whatever you are feeling right now. i know u will be suprised by this entry.



well just forget whatever.

[going back home]

Exam’s finished.
Sem 1 finished.
I’ve survived.
Kewl.
Alhamdulillah.
I so can’t wait to get my feet back on Malaysia’s soil. (neh direct trans ke jenn oi)
On Monday I went to Sun Plaza and played ice-skating for the last time there (yes they are closing on the 15th of Dec).
It was NOT satisfying. The shuz are no longer maintained. The ice berbatu-batu. And the crowd was, urm, jelek. Heh.But then they all want to eat @ Papa Ron’s. Got my alfredo. Aaaah. Satisfying.

Recently my sinus sgt teruk. It began to give me headache now and then. It starts to block my respiratory tract, which made me have to use the carbon dioxide way out as two-way-function. Geddit? Well I got a headache while I’m skating yesterday. So bertambah jelek aa the situation.

On Tuesday we went to PAJUS (pajak USU) and buy some stuff there. BRACELETS! Not all are nice, u got to really carik. Buy some sim cards. (Really, it’s cheaper to buy another sim card than top up). Then one thing happened. I saw him! Better said, he tegur us (me n achik) well not tegur..kinda memeranjatkan kitorang. I never tot of seeing him ‘gain.. It’s refreshing to see him before heading back to Malaysia(where I am totally free from a guy who’s been asking round for my phone no in Msia). Heh. Ops. Totally kantoi. Hope he’s not reading this.

Okay dins(update la babe), I know u will probably went like “hello jenn, u forget to mention who’s he” heh. Nanti I’ll tell u lah. But ditekankan disini he’s nothing to me, not my crush ke ape. Just sumone yg suke mengacau and I feel senang wif. A friend.

On Wednesday we all went to Pajak Ikan where we bought all kinds of ikan.
Heh. No la.
Believe it or not Pajak Ikan sells shirts,clothes that stuffz.
We went there with an aunty whom the Indian girls knew,so that they can bargain la.
I just bought what maksu pesan to me. Seiously susah gile carik untuk orang. But hopefully my maksu will like what I bought for her. Nothing interesting happened this day.Yeah right.
How about when your beca got arrested by police because he illegally pass thru a route that beca are not allowed at all. You see, here in Medan they got ‘kawasan tertib lalu lintas’. Out of that kawasan you can be, untertib. Ish. Xpaham betul. Anyway,the gurls all get they passport today except for Achik and Shamalee. For me, dah dapat lamer dah since I bravely bwat sendiri. Alhamdulillah beres a week ago.

Today pegi tgk result. The final part. Alhamdulillah. I passed every part.

till then

cant wait to be back.

[happening life?]

I’ve just finished a 4-hour straight class. Huh. Neway.
I’m totally at that time of my life where I am very lazy.
well it's been a while since last time i really take my time to write an entry due to connectivity problems and battery runs low etc.
but anyway i will try my best to, urm, blog.

So what’s happening to my happening life?
It becomes dull. That’s what happening with it.
The happening life slowly fades away. It isn’t happening as UIA punye happening.
Not even matrix UIA happening. I guess that’s what happened if you became a medic student in Medan.
( budget happening plak seblum ni jenn oi )

You get stressed here n there. And not because of study problems. But surrounding problems. Kalo orang Indonesia bilang ; masalah lingkungan. Why? No water for days. No electricity twice a day. You cannot iron your clothes. (horror) You cannot charge your laptop, mp3(thx along) , hp, camera..ugh! you cannot eat toasted bread. You cannot use the printer. You have to siap in the dark. You get to mandi under candle-light. Have candle-light breakfast. You cannot buat ‘maggi’. You cannot masak. You have to bear the mosquitoes and the heat.

No pleasure at all. Huh. But thankfully there are those sent by The Almighty to be there for us. Those that we called friends. Over the weeks I made few friends and last Saturday I sacrificed my money (sob sob there goes my RM15) to have a lil bit of fun (after dieting like what the whole week) . My way. Ice skating with a whole load of friends. Actually x sangka they all will be there. Coincidence. But you know me if I’m playing alone pun da ckp happy. It’s like the feeling when Lucas Scott playing basketball. Hee poyo laa plak. My friends…I love them! Bwat skating rink tu lebih meriah. But bad news to all they all kate the skating rink is closing due to high maintenance. Waa!!! My source of happiness and happening life in Medan!!

Spactess. I mish you guys a whole load bucketfull. Huhu whatever that means. Dinie saya sgt rindu kamu,klcc,shuz and wayang. Cant have all that here. No no.
Shera mummy your advices and bisingness I miss a lot and how I geram if you said sumting that is logically right and I don’t want to accept it. Hehe.. Degilkan.
Pika the loveliest sister ever. You my friend true blue friend of everyone. You just can make a bad day..turns out..not to be such a bad day after all.
Abboy. Dottie. I know ure studying hard ryt now. N I shud do the same lah. Mari kite kejar impian kita dottie. I mish u loads lame sgt x jumpe.
Su. Sweet and nice. I’m so glad to know you. You are by far, the greatest listener ever. Independent and hail from kelantan (that's important! Ahaxs)
Wani. Genius. Matured-thinking. The wise one. I sooooo miss ur wisdom. Haha.
And ur chumilness bile ckp ‘achik bengong’. Heee.

Well achik is here with me. Sometimes she’s okay. But lately not so. Moody times.
Huh. That’s her. Love her. But I don’t know why I’m so sensitive these days. Well, I am one sensitive person ryt. So wtv.

Anyway enuff wif me missing people. Oh yeah. My dull life. Not so happening life.
Even nk indulge on eating stuff pun payah here. Not because xde. But expensive.
I really miss Malaysia. Nak tunggu en.asyraf bungkuskan chipsmore anta sini xyah laa ek? Mahal bayar post die dari chipsmore. Ahaxs.

I salute (spring lagik!) the seniors yang dah tahan here for 3-5 years. I’m gona do the same! Be a survivor!! Seniors are nice once you get to know them. Haha. But I just cant understand those that scrutinize us 1st years like crazy. Not to say anything, but hello we are people as well. Enuff said. Senyum laa sket. Nie expect kite nak senyum kat muke diorang yang jauh lagi masam dari cuka tu. But as I said earlier, most of them are nice and helpful. I love them all!

Well back to my dull life. Not so happening life.

Hey, looking back…I don’t think I should consider my life as a dull sad one. I am blessed with all these friendships that needs to be cherished and filled with joyous moments or even bad ones…

It’s true lah kan. Sometimes we don’t notice that we had so many things in this life. I don’t want to be the one who notice it only when it’s gone. Well they say you never miss the water till it’s gone. In my case. My house xdak water. So boleh kire I know already the situation la..hehee…

Friends. Past and present. Thanks for being there for me now and then. Wow. I really love you guys.

Along I luv u oso big sista!!!! Bile nk kawen?!! Haha.

Oh ya. Kapan ku akan pulang? 17hb dec. Yeay!
Things to do balik karang :
Bace pasal kewargenegaraan Malaysia. (We are learning theirs right now, and I felt I know very little of my own country,so I better tau laa..)
Bace more pasal recent news yang happened while I’m here (not so recent laa..but since kat sini I knew nothing, so I have to update my 411)
Layan movies puas2.
Pergi Kuantan.
Owaits!

The devil wears baju kurung. Ahaxs.

Nk jerit.”.keQ!!” heh. Saje. My blog. Skati laa nk jerit2..hehe.