so here's the update, abdullah.
its been a week. a week since i last blog.
and boy, there's so much i want to spill.
but let me put you in the right situation first.
i am writing here, 12.13 AM, waktu indonesia timur. ke barat. sheesh, i dont even know.
well, i am writing here, in the middle of the night, when my last sleep is only 4 hours, and had not sleep since 3 AM this morning. my mind is throbbing like hell and my emotion is truly out of control. and this 4hours a day sleeping has been go on for 3 days.
yes, i've been studying.
and dont call it as a last minute study, cause i have started study since the chinese new year holidays is over.
but i should have enjoyed myself. i should have jage kesehatan, sleep well and answer the question peacefully.
but i dont know what happened. seriously this isn't any pre-menstrual-syndrome.
i know, i must good grades.
but somehow i have forced myself to get good grades.
i studied hard. harder than anything i could imagine.
cause somehow i feel the need to prove myself,
i need to get totally good results this time.
i dont know why.
2 days before the exam i'm still burning the midnight oil cause there are totally lots to learn.
but the exam is just downright menyedihkan.
its not like suddenly my brain froze or what.
i couldnt apply anything at all.
i couldnt diagnose most of the musculoskeletal cases.
i could feel my lacrimal gland secreting liquids in response to the nerves.
whatever the nerve name is.
dgn bahase laennya : aku nanges.
to add salt to the wound, *ouch*, i've mistakenly put my answers in a wrong answer sheet!!
rub. rub. erase. erase.
*huh..comot gle kertas.*
i feel like i could faint at that moment.
then only i realized that i hadn't eaten anything since bangun.
i dont know why i cried.
maybe i'm tired.
maybe i'm frustrated.
maybe i'm losing it.
i dont like to tell about others in my blog actually.
i dont like to go and express my feelings out loud.
i just dont.
my feelings = complicated.
my feelings towards my friends = much much more complicated.
really, i just want to know.
if i could do a survey on "What Type of Friend are you?", how many of us are "good".
I know Tickle or probably CLEO had these questionarries.
or maybe one of the facebook apps.
but i just want to know.
cause i've been busy telling myself that my friends DO actually care for me,
but they had their times.
BUT..what if it seems like they never had time for you ANYMORE?
what if SUDDENLY they think wrong about you?
i know i'm not totally the always-there type of friend.
i had my flaws.
but i dont totally unappreciate my friends.
*no thanx to gossip girl for my bad vocab*
i dont ignore her cause i am too busy studying.
i would state, "i'll catch up later...ade exam ni..." or "knape tadi? i was busy preparing for..."
whatever it is. tell.
you cant be busy for the whole month ryte.
i dont give promises i wouldn't like to keep.
if i did, i would tell her, "babe, i'm sorry, things has changed."
any relationship depends on communication, friendship not excluded.
and when u had stated it clearly, i may get your point,
and not having this stupid emotional rollercoster because u ignored me for *dah berape lame??* long enough.
u keep saying u want me as a friend, but u dont act as one to me.
i dont keep on hinting her wrong after she gets the point,
well a least not on her bad day.
i probably always looking for you in times of troubles,
but dont get me wrong, i thought friends are for laugh and cries.
i know u didnt remember, but i had made u smile before, in times of your crisis,
i've laughed with you. u'm not probably a good listener, but i thought u are.
i would open my arms if she needs my hug, or my ears just to listen,
anytime. i dont respond to problems greatfully but, i do think about it and can worry about it together. and you just should tell me right to my face that u are tired hearing my problems.
NOT HINTING HERE AND THERE.
and i would totally appreciate how she can manage be a friend towards me, after all the years i'm busy with studying and extracurricular activities.
i would reply her sms.
i would call her one in a while, just to check on her. cause she's a friend.
i'm tired & i'm totally sensitive.
the above comment is for TWO different person.