+.::.+ how about untitled? +.::.+

oh well, here i am, back in this orange-painted cc in Medan, namely D***net (namer dirahsiekan untuk menjage bisnes anda okey!), typing slowly on its tekan-kuat-kuat-baru kuar letters-on-screen keyboard, and not forgetting the barely-there-letters on the keyboard.

there are 2 main reason why i have to bear with this cc;

one ) one smart fella* tutup our account for one month. memang betul what he did, tapi x ley ke tutup awal sket...kami mati kebuhsanan tau..
*-he's truly smart, he's a medic student! haha.

two ) my beloved 1.9kg is somewhere between the SenQ headquarters and Ftec offices. ugh. stupido.

my hand dah terase sengal2(of picit2-ing the keyboard) n i didn't even get to the point i want to talk about.

about double lives.
kinda like Jekyll and Hyde.
or maybe in a way like Cinderella.
or maybe, even the Transformers.
(Autobots, roll out! hehe)

well not exactly two lives like cats, nine lives,
but when we live like a different person than we usually does when certain circumstances came.

hmm...

i googled "double lives" , and apart knowing how some people sleeping with the same sex while he/she was married. *ish-i didnt click d link okay*,
i found what i've been looking for.

As people look for fulfillment in their work and lives, many are turning to second vocations to realize their passions. Doctors and scientists are plunging into e-health and biotech start-ups. Disaffected dot-comers are looking to reboot themselves in less harried environs. Ambitious attorneys, intent on becoming the next John Grisham or Scott Turow, are sending manuscripts to agents and publishers. Sometimes these "hobbies" turn into parallel or second careers.

hmm...

what if those second vocations, which is SECOND in our priority becames our numero uno?
i wont tell what condition i'm in. i just don't like to tell. but trust me, it's nothing major.
just a thought that went thru my mind.
it's okay if the case is like the above example given by the website*, but what if it slowly becomes the source of your intermittent depression?

well, easy, destroy it, demolish the second thingy, ask Starscream to fire that thingy, or even ask Megatron to pull it apart like it did to Jazz, or even ask the evil aunty from Enchanted to push that thing to another world, a world with no happy endings, or just ask the 300 brave Spartans to guard it, so that it wont come near me, and better still, tell the EPA put a dome over it.

get the picture?

however, it cant be done.
my second thingy is aroud me. and in order to get what I have to get, that is my 1st priority, i have to bear with the secong thingy. i have to. it comes with the package.

huh confused? i'm trying to make you.

but apart from wanting to touch about that topic, i'm wondering,
well, i have to admit, i have very low self-esteem these years.
i know when it started, but i don't think that was the cause for it happening throughout the years.
and the low self-esteem came with self-concious.
i dont know if this is just another case of it, but this is what im thinking now.

what i'm wondering here is how are the people i've accidently hurted by disregarding them.
i'm just truly sorry that it had become a norm for me to do that,
its maybe only because i'm one hell of an estupidas.

i really didn't mean to do what i do, but i wasn't thinking.
i am not thinking now either.
i act on my impulses and rationales(according to my full-of-blonde-moments mind),
i'm sorry.

whatever it is,
if u feel dat it is u, i'm sorry.

i'm down right now, can u tell?

SAHABAT....
Jika hari ini aku terlalu gembira, sedarkan lah aku dgn amaran2 ALLAH...
Jika aku terlalu bersedih tanpa kata, pujuk lah aku dgn tarbiah ALLAH...
Jika aku lemah aku berdaya,ingatkan lah aku dgn kehebatan syurga...
Jika pernah hatimu terluka luahkanlah agar aku berubah... dan
jika esok ku lena tanpa terjaga,iringlah lena ku dgn kalungan doa...
berjanji lah sahabat,ukhuwah kita utk selamanya...